658 Church Street, Richmond
03 9429 4332
Cafe, Coffee and Tea
- Blueberry & Ricotta Hotcake
- Cranberry & Dark Chocolate Muffin with Pistachios
- Flat White
Nothing. None at all.
The croissant had a pretty good outer skin that was relatively flakey and had a decent crunch. However the inner wasn’t nearly as nice as say, Lune. It wasn’t soft, fluffy, nor did it melt in your mouth. While it looked the part, it didn’t taste the part.
Every item had inherent flaws, which resulted in a pretty lackluster dining experience.
The muffin, which was initially served stone cold until I asked for it to be heated up, had the wrong flavour balance. Being a sweet muffin, the pistachios distracted from the sweetness so much so that the whole muffin tasted odd in a bad way. Pistachios just dont belong with chocolate and cranberry. Period. It was also rather odd as the outer skin of the muffin was crunchy, as opposed to moist as soft as one would expect.
The pancakes were also badly made. Not only was it completely swamped in a sickly sweet syrup that overpowered all else on the plate, the pancakes itself had bits that were mushy and undercooked. Yes it’s a thick pancake, but come on guys, this is your signature dish pretty much. It’s simply unacceptable to fuck up cooking a pancake all the way through! While the figs were fresh, the berries were rather mushy and appeared to be the frozen variety. The abundance of tasteless rice bubbles added little and cheapened the whole dish.
The poached eggs tasted of vinegar. The chorizo slices were dry, tough and overcooked. What a waste of good ingredients!
The coffee was borderline bad. Asked for extra hot and received a luke warm cup of watered down milk with a hint of coffee that offers no depth of flavours nor aftertaste.
To top things off, our waiter got our order completely wrong. Even after I rejected the toast on the spot, I was still charged for it at the register. This practice is simply outrageous! Details below in “How it all went complete to shit”
Walked up to, and made eye contact with the waiter at the door. I said: “Morning. Two people please.” Response: “How many people?”
So I said again. “Two people.”
Not even a sorry. Not even a good morning. Complete airhead. I should’ve taken this as a warning sign and ran.
15 odd minutes later, we were seated and given menus. We were put away in a little corner, neglected. Every attempt to raise the attention of the wait staff took at least 5 minutes.
Having finally flagged down a waiter, I asked to order a dish that I saw on the way to my sest. The waiter had no clue whatsoever. Talk about knowledge of the menu….
As there was nothing else overpriced and swanky that I wanted on the menu, I ordered the following:
- Egg and Chorizo on the side
10 minutes later, a stone cold muffin arrived. Waved my arms frantically for another 5 minutes to get it heated. Waiter didn’t even give a fuck. Or apologise.
Another 20 minutes later, the pancakes arrived. How eggs and sausages take longer than a fancy pancake to cook up, I will never understand.
Aaaaand my ordered finally arrived. Another 15 minute later. Kind of. I received:
- Two eggs
- 2 slices of toast
I immediately sent back the toast as I said I never ordered this. The fix up was quick and I got what I ordered, except with 2 eggs as well as the butter and jam. Me being a trusting person thought the butter and jam was complementary and came with the croissant, and ordering an egg at $3 meant getting two or them together…. oh how wrong was I.
Observe the photo above to see how billing turned out. What a monumental fuckup. How do you get an order so wrong and still insist to charge your customer for stuff they didn’t order. Especially given that I specifically listed each item that I ordered to the cashier, who apparently tried to fix this up for a good 5 minutes while a line accumulated behind me.
Would Penguin Eat Again?
Ultimately Top Paddock is a jack of all trades and master of nothing, run by a bunch of airheads who can’t get an order right and still insist on charging you on shit you didn’t order.
Overcharged and underwhelmed. At a cafe run by a bunch of airheads who couldn’t give less of a fuck. Who would’ve thought this happened at Top Paddock?